I am feeling really down this morning. Not sleeping enough probably has something to do with it. I feel like I am in a major state of limbo. I go from being cautiously optimistic to very paranoid, like I have already lost this fight.

This has happened before, and I feel like I know how it ends.

If it doesn't end I am still at a loss for how to express myself. I need to spend time on that this evening.

Remember that you will get through this. You will be happy. Live in the moment and learn from it.